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Hello?
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Jun. 21st, 2008 @ 12:02 am
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Hello Friends,
It has been a long journey since I last posted almost three years ago... As time passed I married and gave birth to a daughter. I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been. Granted, I have problems here or there, but deep down I still feel calm.
Looking back I can't comprehend how immature and self absorbed I had been. I know I had left a path of hurt friends and lost foes. I still regret many things and know that I can probably never come to deserve the happiness that has found me.
If anyone is still out there please feel free to say hi.
-JJ-
Current Mood:  loved |
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Damn nightquil! It knocked me out until 2pm! I slept in insanely late and could have slept longer if my brother hadn't kept waking me up. Curses! I'm really pissed off right now. You know how you know you want to do something you just dont know what you really wanna do so you end up doing nothing all day! tomorrow I should plan something with my friends. Friends like Sophie. its decided in the next couple of days I will kidnap sophie and we will watch lots of one piece and various other animes. CURSES! I'm moving to washington in a couple of days possibley weeks to live with my uncle for awhile. I'm tired of getting jumbled around >.< but at least I'm getting to see that states. travel = love. I'm hungry. Sophie if you ever read this call me so we can hang out. oh wait, I'll call you, but if I dont call you should call me definitely. alright I love you buh-bye ;)Current Mood:  aggravated Current Music: Fukai Mori - Do As Infinity |
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Wow. many people for saw this ending...well SCREW YOU! 6 months to 2 years I'll be back in the ARMY SO :P with extra spit. Yeah we all realize I'm a tad touched in head but I was loving it damnit, sure I'd bitch and moan, but you all knew deep down in your measley black hearts that I was happy. I blew it though, it really was all my fault, I wont get into details, but things didn't work out this time around, we live and we learn. I'm going to go talk to my recruiters about what happened see if we cant find a way to get me back in, in 6 months. I've come to the point where I hear everyone saying your stupid, dont waste your time, bush is stupid dont go fight his war, crap like that and think, there are so many people out there willing to put their lives on the line to protect not only peoples rights to say stuff like that, but those peoples lives in general and all people can do is rag on the people willing to die for them. So next time you say hey the military sucks, think about the soilder over in a iraq who just died to protect YOUR freedom to say what you said. just food for thought. I have a lot more respect for the military now, for what they do and the conditions they have to live under, they dont have the freedoms that civilians do. I'm ashamed I was discharged, but if theres any chance I can get back in you better believe I'm going to go for it...and if my family happens to disown me well so be it. |
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I have officially joined the Army as of last friday. I'm going to be part of the Airbourne working as a parachute rigger. At first I bitched and moaned because you think I actually signed up to be a rigger, however, lives will be in my hands. I may never see any action, I don't know. I may be in a dangerous place struggling to survive. I don't know what the future holds for me all you need to know is that I won't screw up those parachutes! I leave for basic training tomorrow and I'm nervous. I don't know if I can do push ups, but when they tell me to drop and give them push ups I'll do it and they'll be damn good push ups. I've decided this. I'm excited deep down I feel it its just a HUGE step in my life. My mind keeps wanting to say what if you screw up, what if you get lost on the way or get on the wrong plane, you don't know anything about living in the Army. I suppose thats what basic training's for. There are no if's in this world. You either do it or you don't and I choose to succeed. If something should happen to me my family will be okay and thats most important. When I told my family I got mixed reactions the worse from my dad and my sisters. Jeannie sort of avoided me and said she didn't want me to go. Lorene kept saying shit like "Janie chose 14K over her own family." and my dad just begged me not to go. I've got to do this, I need this more then I need anything. I was meant to do this. Not only can I do this I WILL do this. My mom who I just called seemed those most supportive followed by my aunt. My mom said she was proud and happy I was going into the service. My aunt was the same but she said she really didn't want me to go. I suppose its equal. My two moms. Well I have to go finish cleaning my room. I may never write in this again. I hope its not so. See everyone around hope to god you have good lives.
Love, Janie.Current Mood:  optimistic Current Music: I Miss You -Blink 182 |
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Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 07:07 pm
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Hey everyone I'm going into basic training for the army in 4 days holy crap I'm going to be a parachute rigger didn't get a choice life sucks. hope anyone and everyones doing better than me.Current Mood:  anxious |
| » My Chaotic Cycle |
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Like something out of a really horrible disney sequel comes the yawning of my self expression just waking up with a murderous hang over, figuritively speaking. When I feel like I have everything, I realize I have nothing. Maybe I have an addiction to living life the worse possible way, maybe I really am fucked up in the head. I'm not depressed, this feeling isn't depression. This feeling is the conviction of hell yet the most satisfying sensation to have ever dawned on me. I can be everything yet nothing. I don't have to lay down and watch people run over me anymore. I don't need to look for acceptance anywhere I can find it. I don't need to fall for false love. I don't need to know what I feel anymore; all I have to have is respect for myself. I wonder if I should close my heart, I wonder if my hearts already closed? I feel like I've had a thousand knives just stuck in my back yet I'm still okay with it. I make no sense, yet I have all the senses. People can pretend and people can transcend. To be unperfect is to be perfect. If I need love then I need hate. If I must live I must die. Everything that has a begining has a middle and an end. I will change my life and myself to better suit my situation. I will adapt to any sort of condition that may challenge my will. I am more than a toy: I live, I breathe, I bleed, I cry, I try so hard to please everyone, but I only need to please myself. I'm selfish and angry for it. What else can be said? My 'best' friend will tell me tonight when I go to tell her how I feel that she doesn't want to hear it and that she doesn't give a damn. No one ever gives a damn. If it doesn't happen to them then they can't feel it. Maybe my morals are old fashioned. Maybe I'm overly dramatic. I've given up more than anyone knows. I've torn every inch of my soul into pieces and scattered them far across the sea. I won't run away. I won't look back. I won't cry. I'm too considerate and so I let my so called friends walk all over me. I'm not a piece of glass I wont let them make me see through me.
Oct. 16th, 2005 @ 10:48 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Its been awhile but I've been purtty busy lately with class and what not. I'm excited because I got into my Japanese class, the only glitch is that I have to catch up on two whole classes and assignments! >.< oi!
Jeannies moving out, I was helping her fopra couple hours. I'm now actively seeking a job and I'm going to try to get my permit (I'm really tired of walking everywhere). Life has started to get expensive; being a kid rocked. I'm really enjoying college though and I think I'm doing alright in my classes, although my figure class is a little iffy. I have a lot of sketches to catch up in in my sketch books. >.< I've been working really hard just to do my psychology homework and Western Civ. homework.
All the stuff I was planning with my stories has gone down the drain because I just dont have the time. I really wish I had more time to write, just because I love writing. Maybe next semester... Speaking of next semester I'm planning of taking the placement exams. I think I can get into English 1a just because I'm pretty good when it comes to english (of course I'll study first). I also need to take the math placement exam (ewwww math)and YES, I will REALLY have to study for that one. I needs to finds me a math tutor! Anyways I went to find out what classes I'd need to take to get into a 4 year college and so far I'm on the right track. I need to go in and talk to a couselor about what classes I need to take to direct my major into art/animation. Its really hard to just settle for this major because there are so many things I'd love to do. When I talk to the counselor I think I'm going to have to compare,history,english ,art/animation, anthropology majors. I've pretty much decided what I want to do though.
I really wish I had the time to sit down and watch a ton of anime. The other night I was able to sit down and watch tsubasa and bleach. I'm really sad that I haven't been watching naruto lately, recently it just doesn't seem worthy of my time because of the MASSIVE amounts of fillers they've added. However after this filler they should be returning to the main plot (THANK YOU GOD).
Well I have got to run, I'm going to set a goal for myself. All the ideas I have for stories I'm going to write out on word this week. Thats my goal hopefully I can accomplish it. Oh and also I promised my sisters that I'd start making the Orochimardo collection. So look forward to that....
Aug. 26th, 2005 @ 04:54 pm
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| » First Day Of Class |
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So today was my first day of class(s) and so far I'm enjoying them a lot...not so much the math though. MY math teacher scares me a little and it doesn't help that so far its the most trying class I have. Tomorrow I have PSYCH 1A which I'm not really looking forward too, well maybe a little bit...its the only class I have wednesday and its at night 7pm-10pm. Today I went to school from 9am all the way to 7pm and on thursdays I go from 9am all the way to 10pm. >.< I'm so tired already! Can I take the heat? At least I'm going out and doing stuff now.
A guy named Blake gave me his phone number today. He's 23 and living with some roomates really close to where I live, we have math class together but the funny thing is I didn't really talk to him until I was walking home. I also ran into my ex-boyfriend Dan too and he seems like hes doing okay now, not so flustered with high school drama. I got his phone number too and he wants to hang out sometime. I talked to two girls one of them I met under an oak tree she was cool she also has a an art major, but she already has a year done I think she said.
I think my favorite class is going to be either figure drawing or ART 3. I really like the subject for figure drawing and the teacher seems pretty cool, but I really like my teacher for ART 3 I had him before and hes REALLY cool. Anyways its a requirement in both classes to have a sketchbook, does that mean I only need one to use for both classes or should I buy one for each class. Having two at the same time is confusing how would I decide which sketch pad to use? >.<
I'm really excited about whats going on right now, its a welcome change of pace, however I'm already wiped out -_-
Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 09:30 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Everyone meet, Orochimardo.
Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 04:12 pm
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| » Revenge is in order... |
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So I downloaded a hentai you know and I was watching it not masturbating or doing anything stupid like that. My brother comes in and I'm like you know hey this is just wrong and blah blah blah and then my brothers like I'm gonna tell aunt maurine that your downloading hentai blah blah blah and so the dumbshit tells my aunt. His reason is that I always tell on him which isn't true, and that he couldn't play he game. Dude fuck that. I'll find away. I will get my revenge. >.< I didn't think mike was a narc, but I guess he is.
Aug. 6th, 2005 @ 07:45 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Sorry I haven't written in my journal for a couple of days I ended up going on a 3 day buisness trip with my aunt and my sister lorene, it was a lot of fun, but during their meetings I got bored and started doodling on napkins...what do you think?
Aug. 6th, 2005 @ 01:52 pm
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| » T_T SLEEP NEEDED! |
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My aunt woke me up this morning just to ask me to go feed her fish T_T how lame is that?! At least I got to finsih reading Gravitation Volume 2. I have a long time before I catch up to Jessica with reading Gravitation I'm only on three so 9 more and I should be caught up. I give Gravitation the manga an 8 out 10 review. Its hilarious and its not a kiddie manga which makes me even more happy. However the main character does get annoying after awhile, hes a whining sissy and lets just face it he acts more like a girl then a guy. I guess thats what I should expect from shonen-ai. BAH I'm still sleepy!
Yesterday I watched Laputa: Castle in the Sky. Awesome anime movie! I give it a 10 out of 10 then again all of Miyazaki's films are 10 out of 10, aren't they? I'm getting kiki's delivery service right now... I'm looking into his other films too so far all I've seen is Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and Castle in the Sky. After Kiki's Delivery Service I'm going to get Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. <(^.^)> its all so exciting.
I need to call Jessica because I told her I'd hang out with her today, but I'm really tired WHATS AM I'S SUPPOSE TO DOES?!
Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 11:22 am
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| » Life is... dramatic (as always) |
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Well I finally realized why I can't take classes with my family members! You come to rely on their wisdom instead of your own...aka you copy their work and dont learn a damn thing. ((it also doesn't help that I paid my sister off to do like three of my projects)) Now that finals are coming I really understand the meaning of 'crime does not pay' I'm totally screwed! Oh well...I wasn't really enjoying the class to begin with - Photoshop is definitely a something I think I'd grasp better if I learned how to use it myself. (nice excuse isn't it?) (( btw I still haven't done my homework ))
Anyways, aside from my horrible study habits (and I do mean horrible) things are going alright. Tomorrow I have to call someone about my scholarship stuff. Wouldn't it just be easier to include instructions?! *sigh* again this is another example of how life is more difficult than it should be. Oh well... girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!
I'm getting worried I haven't been giving myself much time to work on my manga project thing goal (whatever you want to call it) You got to start somewhere though right? By friday I'm releasing the character bio's or at least 6 of them on my livejournal. You'll also get to hear about the basic plot. If I didn't mention it before the manga's going to be called "Me, the Monster." once you hear the plot and what not the name will begin to make sense.
Hmm anything else I need to cover, nope, I think thats it.
Jul. 31st, 2005 @ 10:41 pm
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| » More Quizes |
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You dont sleep. It's not because you love life too
much to lay your head down, it's because you
can't or just dont want to. Sleep? Who cares,
right? In fact, who really cares about
anything? You dont. Maybe you're mad at
someone for something they did, but its
probably more than just one person who has
pissed you off. People have probably told you
to get over your issues lots of times, but
thats just because most of them dont understand
how deep some scars can go.
How do you Sleep? (Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You like the sweet, shy type.
What kind of guy are you most attracted to?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a romantic girl. You're kind, caring,
loveing, and peaceful. You spend a lot of your
time dreaming and you're not afraid to express
deep emotion, whether it be in a poem, diary,
or words. You hope for love and affection from
your prince charming. I have a feeling he will
come around soon.
What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your personality is best represented by the
traditional Japanese Katana. You are brave
beyond words and rarely (if ever) act for your
own personal gain. Your honor is very
important to you, and you strive to better
yourself and help others. You try not to let
emotions get in the way of making a sound
decision, and are usually quite successful.
What sort of Weapon best Represents your Personality? (anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Looks like you have failed and will be going to
Hell. v.v No worries, over half the people who
take this quiz will be getting this result. At
least you were honest to answer the questions
truthfully and you might stand a chance in
getting into Heaven. Oh well, look on the
bright side, at least you won't be cold!
Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Ninja.
You are like a samurai gone bad. The good side
is no longer interesting you and feel that
darkness is where you belong. Though you may
think you are the evil one, you're not. Because
deep inside there is still that little glimpse
of who you once were. You don't like to
associate with people that much and keep away.
In your mind they are ignorant and not so
interesting anyway. That means you are a lonley
person who don't trust people, and you have
really no desire to do so either. Life is a big
pain and annoyance for you and you aren't quite
sure on how to handle it. Other people see you
as mysterious and secretive, and that is
probably right.
Main weapon: Daggers and throwing
stars
Quote: "I hate people. People make
me pro-nuclear" -Margaret Smith
Facial expression: Frown
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not
in never falling, but in rising everytime we
fall" by Confucius.
Yes indeed, you see true strenght can only be
seen when a person has "fallen". Only
then one can tell how they will handle it. Just
don't make others fall so you can know who they
really are. You on the other hand may be a very
quick recoverer and don't let people bring you
down. You are your own, and you're find with
that. Emotional issues is something you handle
rather nicely.
What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED
brought to you by Quizilla
You love the loners. Guys who seem misunderstood
and lonely just steal your heart away. You
want to reach out your hand to them because you
can see how truly wonderful they could be if
someone would just take the time to care. Some
day your open love will reward you with a
hidden jewel beyond measure.
What Kind of Guy Would You Go For?? (Nice D.N. Angel Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
The Goddess of Flora and Sadness. You are a natural
dreamer. Always loyal and tranquil, you can
make anyone feel safe and you are exceptionally
thoughtful. You are a delicate beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You have DIVINE love, and it shows in every fiber
of you. If you havent yet graced someone with
your love, dont rush. Not everyone deserves
someone as wonderful as you are because they
dont understand your rarity, but when you find
someone who does you will lead a very full and
wonderful life.
What Type of Love Best Represents You?? (WONDERFUL anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
dude you are either a vampire or your pretty damn
crazy..please rate!!!
How insane are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the warrior anime girl.You are the type
that can start a fight and win.You are very
strong and can beat anyone up (but just don't
^_~) and some people can be afraid of you but
alot of people admire your strength and want to
be just like you well the people that want to
fight.You can defend yourself very easily and
can probably handle some kind of weapon.You
have a short temper(like me)and get angry
easily but you can be really nice at times
^_^and once a fighter always a fighter.
If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?(Girls Only)
brought to you by Quizilla
Jul. 30th, 2005 @ 11:38 pm
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| » Quizes |
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Jul. 30th, 2005 @ 10:20 pm
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| » Today is like a drizzle... |
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Nothing important happened today. I ended up watching the last R.O.D OVA episode all by my lonesome because my sister Jeannie had something called 'work' I mean, my god, who actually works in this country?! Anyways to make matters worse I'm having massive one piece withdrawls again. Speaking of withdrawls I'm aching for some naruto and bleach - I haven't watched for agessss! I'm really pissed off with naruto right now though... right now they're in the middle of some stupid filler which is completely and utterly lame (( infact its a little disturbing if you ask me )) and *yes* it gets worse after that - they're taking abreak for the next two weeks I think it was to play the first naruto movie! BAH end the filler at least! I want to know if they're going to cram kakashi's backstory into one episode, but most of all I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHO IS DEAD OR ALIVE IN THE MANGA! I dont care about sakura not unless she saves *his* life.... I didn't spoil anything did I? Whatever :P its just lame right now... As for bleach my only excuse for not watching it is this - I AM TOO LAZY TO DOWNLOAD IT! Heres a list of animes I should probably catch up on:
1)Bleach
2)Naruto
3)Basilisk
4)Tsubasa Chronicles
And just for kicks
5)One Piece
Animes I plan on watching in the next month:
1)Trigun
2).hack//sign
3)Record of Lodoss Wars
Possibley if I get around to it
4)Cowboy Bebop
Anime Movies:
Basically this month I'm going to focus on Miyazaki Hayao movies; The ones I haven't seen anyways...
1)Laputa: Castle in the Sky
2)Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (does anyone know if this ones any good?)
3)My Neighbor Totoro
4)Kiki's Delivery Service
Wow I haven't seen very many of his movies...better get started -_-;
When I get paid I have to buy some cd's so I can burn some of this stuff I'm downloading... I'm sooo broke though, buying my new computer has left me with very little money left to spend.Bah I need to get a job!
PS: Stole this from soapy's lj:
Jul. 30th, 2005 @ 09:07 pm
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| » Busy... |
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Fall semester 2005 - 15.5 units. 5 classes and on top of that I want to find a part time job *sigh* I'll manage somehow... Certainly doesn't leave much time for my hobby, but like I said before I'll manage. Next week I'll introduce everyone to the characters in my story. -Backup, I haven't told you guys about it yet have I? Well this is how it is- I'm going to attempt to draw my own manga ((emphasis on the word attempt)) I don't plan on releasing the finished score until many months in the future, however, I'm going to be placing tid-bits here and there so I can at least have some feed back. I figure doing this will help me somehow. So keep an eye out for the goods, I really need the advice and what not.
-Also I want to leave as a side note, having more than one person working on this project would be great! So if your interested at all and you think you can help me with your mad skillz then don't be shy you can e-mail me at my_mekio@hotmail.com
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I feel like I haven't said enough in this post and knowing me it might be a whole week till I write in my live journal again. So here it goes...
Today was my sister Jeannie's b-day, of course I forgot and was sitting in her car wondering why she was taking me and soapy to sushi. When we got to the sushi place I was really quiet because I was surround by gorgeous waiters. *drules* o_0 you don't even know... The sushi was good and for once I actually ate some rice. >.< I don't really like rice, ya know? Anyways, after that, we came back to my house and watch the Read or Die OVA. *FINALLY* I downloaded a version that actually works! I know R.O.D. OVA is a three part begining to the actual series ( or at least thats what soapy says ) ... I've only seen 2 out 3 of the episodes and thats because I wasn't suppose to have anyone over at the time so me and my sister had to sneak soapy out of the house before my aunt got home. I didn't get caught...yet.
All and all todays been pretty awesome, except for getting bitched out on the phone by my aunt and having soapy and Jeannie ganging up on me and picking on me -- iits just not cool!! YA KNOW?!
Jul. 29th, 2005 @ 08:08 pm
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| » Its wrong... |
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Can anyone tell me whats wrong with this picture? It certainly shines some light on how the worlds run nowadays doesn't it?
Jul. 28th, 2005 @ 12:44 pm
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| » Home Troubles |
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Everyone who knows me and my family knows we have 'issues' and what not. Now though chaos ensues! My sister is moving out (jeannie is my sister) and now it appears my brother michael will take her place. (Yes you can tell I'm over joyed at the prospect.) I'm on love/hate terms with mike. I'm glad for him that hes got a job hes quiting smoking and various other things, however I still brandish the scar where he flat chose his friends and various other things over his own family. It would be hypocritical to say I haven't done the same before and came crawling back like he did, but yet again I must say 'however'I can't live with him still. Despite how many things he may quit, no matter how many friends he may leave behind he is still Rude, inconsiderate, but most of all (and most warrant on my health) is that Michael is violent. He grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into the fridge last time I lived with him and that was because I wouldn't do what he told me to do. He thinks everyone is below him and expects people to take his word for heed no matter what. Even thoughs older than him. Hes so very arrogent. My brother Eugene even though 4 years older looks up to him and his masculinity. Eugene + Mike = daily beatings. Eugene and I already have rows twice a day he even took a broiler pan to lorene's (other sister) head once. Like I need these two people living in the same house with me. I can't handle it. I shouldn't have to live in fear. I WONT back down to them. I wont surrender my pride. I don't need to put up a fight...I just need to have a phone at hand. My aunt cant protect me, my only saftey would be to leave, but leaving would hurt my family and I dont want to turn my back on my family. What should I do? What can I do? Am I going to continue living in limbo running over to a friends house to hang out for a couple hours every night just so I can get away from my family members? I don't want to run away but what choice do I have? The grin-and-bare-it tatic is getting old...
Jul. 25th, 2005 @ 10:39 pm
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| » GAARA-CHAN! |
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This is my totally awesome picture of Gaara people dont you love it!
Jul. 25th, 2005 @ 04:16 pm
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ladymekio's journal